


Elephant in the Room

by sonictrowel



Series: Long Night in the Blue House [49]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, I Don't Even Know, Light Angst, Resolving Issues, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 10:17:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11102472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonictrowel/pseuds/sonictrowel
Summary: “I’ve barely let you out of my sight, and I still haven’t gotten enough of you,” she added with a fond smile.  “I think it’s more than safe to say you haven’t got any competition.”“Maybe not now,” he mumbled.“Doctor,” River said, sobering.  “Has this really been bothering you?  All this time?”“Well.”  He cleared his throat.  “Only if I… think about it.”“You’re serious,” she replied, incredulous.  “What happened to New Rule One?!”





	Elephant in the Room

[Darillium] 

It all _started_ as a series of igloos and tunnels and little burrows for Athena to play in, carved into the decades’ worth of solid, hard-packed snowfall.  Only, River and the Doctor never could do anything in half-measures.  Inevitably, they began reconstructing meticulously detailed, scaled-down versions of some of their favourite bits of historical architecture instead, bickering cheerfully over the particulars of the Great Wall and Versailles as they built.

The months wore on and, much to the Doctor’s dismay, the anachronistic mishmash of snow edifices in their front garden was becoming something of a local attraction.  Likely for tourists who’d come to see the towers and then realised there was nothing else interesting on probably the entire planet.  Someone in town must have been tipping them off.  Gaggles of them would wander up the cliffside and circle around with their cameras— at least, until a scary, cross old man with attack eyebrows emerged from the house, shouting at them to fuck off.

But it was quiet now, not another soul to be seen.  The night air smelled of ice, and River’s cheeks burned from the biting wind as she looked out over the tiny parapets of Gravensteen Snow Castle.  One of Darillium’s moons shone gold in the dark channel between the distant silhouettes of the towers.  Their bittersweet song rang out over the frozen landscape, echoing off of cliff faces and rolling slopes of glittering white.  

What she wouldn’t give to never have to leave this stupid, dark, boring, freezing, wonderful planet.  What she wouldn’t give to see it transformed by sunlight and know that they could stay.  Or really, anywhere would be fine.  So long as they were together.

She climbed down from the castle and crunched through the snowy path back to the TARDIS, feeling stiflingly warm in her coat and scarf as soon as she stepped inside.  In theory, Athena was already in bed, but the pitter-patter (okay, more like STOMPSTOMPSTOMP) of little feet and squealing giggles emanating from down the corridor, mingled with the Doctor’s soft, coaxing grumble, told her otherwise.  River smiled from ear to ear as she shed her coat. 

“Mummy!” Athena cried, stampeding into the hall, bright-eyed and breathless with laughter, the Doctor a few steps behind her.

“Now who could this be?” River asked theatrically, scooping up her little squirming, pyjama-clad monster.  “Couldn’t be Athena, because Athena’s already gone to bed, hasn’t she?  I distinctly remember _three_ bedtime stories, a tucking-in, _and_ turning off the lights.  So what little creature have I got here?”

 _“Mum-myyy!”_ she laughed.  “Need ’nother story.”

“You’ve already had another, kitten,” the Doctor said patiently.  “You’ve had two ’nothers, in fact.”

“Any little Time Lady would be asleep after _five_ stories,” River said.  “So _you_ must be… an Ood!”  She wiggled her fingers at Athena’s chin as she squealed with laughter.

“No-oo!” Athena shouted amidst giggles.

“No?  What do you think, darling?”

“Well,” the Doctor said, stepping closer, “based on cuddliness, I’d say she must be Catkind.  Not very furry, though… perhaps an Adipose?”

“Nooo, Daddy!” Athena laughed.

He rubbed at his chin.  “Then, I suppose you are just a _very_ sleepy little girl who needs to get to bed.” 

“No-no-no,” Athena trilled, not laughing anymore.  “Not sleepy.  Thir-ty.”

“You go on back to bed with Mummy,” the Doctor said indulgently, “and I’ll bring your cup.  And then it is sleeping time for Time Ladies _and_ kittens _and_ Oods.”

River became aware that she was watching him with a ridiculously soppy expression and he smiled and winked at her before he turned for the kitchen.  He could have Athena asleep in half a second if he felt like it, but they were just enjoying every minute with her too much to wish away a single one.

She squeezed her not-so-little-anymore little girl tight, planting a smacking kiss on her cheek as she carried her back to her bedroom.

___

When Athena was in bed and well and truly asleep, they curled up together on the sofa, the crackling fire casting the only light in the dark lounge.  The Doctor pulled River into his lap, draped across him sideways, and she laid her head against his chest, basking in his warmth and breathing in his smell and generally feeling wonderful in his arms. 

“Love you,” he whispered into her hair.

She hummed agreement as she snuggled in closer.  Everything was quiet and peaceful for a few sweet minutes.

“Who the hell d’you suppose is sending people up to gawk at the bloody front garden?” he asked abruptly.

River couldn’t help but smile even as she rolled her eyes and sighed into his jumper.   _“Really,_ honey?”

“Damn tourists are a fucking menace,” the Doctor grumbled.

“They’re not bothering anything.”

“They could be from anywhere!  I... I don’t like them poking about where Athena plays.  Prefer to keep her to ourselves, if we can.”

“Oh,” she said quietly, the smile fading from her face.  “You’re right.”

“It’s probably fine.”  He rubbed his hand up and down her back.  “Have you told anyone about her?”

River shook her head.  “I haven’t been in contact much with anyone from the university, and I haven’t been in contact at all with, well, anyone outside the planet, apart from Milly and my publisher.”

“Mm.”  He squeezed her arm affectionately.  “Sorry.  I guess that’s been...lonely for you.”

She swatted his chest.  “Don’t be daft.”

“No, I mean, I know when it comes to, y’know, humany… social interaction… stuff, I can’t fill _every_ role for you.”  He paused, and added with an audible smirk, “I _fill_ the best one, though." 

River groaned and swatted him with slightly more force while he chuckled.

“But seriously,” the Doctor pressed, earnest again.

She turned her face up to his and reached up, brushing her thumb over his jaw as her fingers slid into his hair.

“I miss Milly, of course.  But I’m not lonely, darling.  I’m well acquainted with what that feels like.  And I haven’t felt it in twenty-one years.”

He smiled down at her, mirroring her own adoring gaze.  She was lost in the firelight dancing on his beautiful, beloved face.

“Well,” he suddenly cringed, “maybe except for that time I was being a twat.”

“Trust _you_ to ruin a moment,” she sighed.

The Doctor’s eyes lit up with recognition at her words and he grinned.  River had no regrets anymore about sleeping with Blondie, now that he could share the memory with her.  

“Apologies, Miss Song,” he said in that low, rasping tone that made her stomach flutter, and lowered his smiling mouth to hers.

His arms tightened around her, pulling her closer as he kissed her, perfectly warm and slow.  River gave a quiet moan of contentment.  She’d have to see about getting more of those happy early memories back for him.  The handsome dandy was _definitely_ a keeper; he’d enjoy those.  

At length their lips parted, but only just, as he nuzzled his face against hers and she grinned, kissing his cheek.

“Have _you_ told anyone about Athena?” she asked.

“Nah, who would I tell?  We’ve got the same, very small social circle at the moment.”

“Mm, just the family and Nardole—”

They both paused as their eyes met.

“He does seem to get out a lot more than us,” the Doctor said slowly.  “What _does_ he do with his time, anyway?  No, actually, I don’t need to know that." 

“I suppose he might’ve mentioned the uh, snow city to someone.”

“But who the hell would he be talking to about our fucking front garden?”

“Um.”  River cringed.  “Ramone?" 

“Oh, Christ,” he sighed exasperatedly, “is that wally still here?”

“Where’s he going to go?  I don’t think many other restaurants would hire a great red robot as a commis boy.”

“Hmpf.  Bloody well better be grateful I got him that job.”

“You can’t _really_ still be jealous.”

“I can if I like,” the Doctor grumbled.

“Darling, I’m pretty sure we’ve spent fifty per cent of the past twenty years basically having marathon sex.  Look, we’ve even got a kid to show for it.”

He snorted.

“I’ve barely let you out of my sight, and I still haven’t gotten enough of you,” she added with a fond smile.  “I think it’s more than safe to say you haven’t got any competition.”

“Maybe not _now,”_ he mumbled.

“Doctor,” River said, sobering.  “Has this _really_ been bothering you?   _All this time?”_

“Well.”  He cleared his throat.  “Only if I… think about it.”

“You’re serious,” she replied, incredulous.  “What happened to New Rule One?!”

He frowned.  “I had plenty to answer for.  I… didn’t give you enough.  It was my fault; didn’t want you to feel badly about it.”

Her stomach dropped and she cupped his face in her hands.  “Oh, darling.  You wonderful, stupid man.  You know I’ve never loved anyone else in my entire life, right?”

“Thought it might be something like that,” he admitted quietly.

“Then what are you being an idiot for?” she asked, shaking her head, her voice coming out high and rough.  “You _know_ it’s only you for me, sweetie.”

The Doctor looked like he very much didn’t want to answer.  “I know, but… didn’t stop you marrying them.  Or… y’know.  Doing other things with them,” he mumbled, frowning and looking away from her.  

“Oh, honey,” River choked out around the lump in her throat.

“I know we’ve both got lists, but most of my marriages were before you and the rest were pretty much an accident.  Well, actually, the ones before you were mostly by accident too…  I was basically running from the altar quick as I could every time.”

“Why didn’t you say something?  It’s not as if I kept it a secret.  We weren’t… like this, you know.  We weren’t linear, we were apart so much, and I thought you… I don’t know what I thought.”

“You thought I didn’t love you.”

She winced.  “Not all the time.  You _know_ that,” she said fervently.  “Just when things were… not so good.  It was hard to remember, then.”

“And that’s when you picked up Ramone.”

“Yes,” River said, frowning.  “He was… a distraction.  So I didn’t have to think so much about it hurting.”

The Doctor sighed.  “I understand that.  We’ve just got different terrible coping styles.  But make no mistake, mine’s still terrible.”

“If I’d known that it upset you—" 

“I don’t blame you, honey.  I didn’t mean to bring it up, really.  I don’t want you to feel badly.  It’s—” he laughed softly, “water _so_ far under the bridge now.”

“Still,” River said, her heart aching, wondering idly if it’d be worth risking rewriting a bit of time to spare him the pain and her this choking regret. 

“We’ve got all _this,_ now,” he said, leaning in to brush his lips over hers.  “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does.  It hurts you, so it matters." 

“It shouldn’t.  It’s all very… humany of me, to be jealous and possessive.  You bring it out in me,” he added with a hint of a crooked smile.  “Intellectually, practically speaking, I understand.  I really do.  For me, it was just… I was always quick to get, I guess you could say, intensely emotionally entangled.  With friends and everything.  Not so much with the trust, though.  Not so much with being _actually_ intimate and sharing all the stuff that, well... the stuff that only you get to see.  And for me, you know, it’s... one of those trust things.”

Bless, he’d reverted to being incapable of saying “sex.”  She rather hated herself at the moment.

“I just never had much of an interest in sharing that with anyone else.  I didn’t have _this_ with anyone else, so… wasn’t usually even a consideration.  I don’t give it out on the first date,” he teased, scrunching his nose at her.

“Mmm, _actually…”_ River trailed off, allowing herself a small, satisfied smirk.

The Doctor huffed.  “Alright, _evidently_ I’m a complete tart for you, sweetheart.”  He ignored River’s involuntary burst of derisive laughter at his use of ‘tart.’  “Honestly, I don’t know how you managed that _multiple_ times." 

“Yes you do,” she purred.

“Yes,” he sighed fondly, “I do.  You turn me into a fucking puddle, bloody temptress.”

“Guess I must exude… trustworthiness?” she grinned.

“More like… ‘fucking marry her, you idiot’...ness.”

“Mm,” she beamed at him.  “I like that.”

“I like you,” the Doctor replied, tapping her nose.  "And I was _saying…_ we’re just wired a bit differently, that way.  It’s... separate for you, or it can be.  And it’s all the emotional stuff that’s hard for you to share.  So you saved that for me.”

“I did,” she whispered, feeling both relieved and touched that he understood her so well.  “Couldn’t help it, really.  So bloody _stupidly_ besotted with you,” she added, pretending annoyance.

“Likewise,” the Doctor replied, his expression soft and suffused with affection.

“I never _made love_ with any of them.  You need love for that.  That’s only you.  Only us.  The rest was just diversions.  With you, it’s just,” she let out a breath and shook her head, grasping for the words.  “It’s _everything._  Not because of the Time Lord mind-meld stuff.  Because it’s _you.”_

He truly grinned at that.  “Time Lord mind-meld?”

She swatted him again.  “Shut up.  You know what I mean.”

“No, I know,” he said, his smile softening.  

“Obviously I’ll never do it again,” River muttered.

“I know,” he said, kissing her cheek.

“But all of _you_ are fair game,” she added.

The Doctor let out a heavy sigh before grumbling in his most dramatically put-upon tone, _“Fine.”_  But he was still smiling. 

“Wish you hadn’t waited twenty-one bloody years to talk about this.  I’m so sorry, my love.  I never would’ve—”

“I know,” he said again, tucking his nose into her hair and pressing his cheek to hers.  “I know you’d never want to hurt me, River.  And I’ve done more than my share of hurting you by being a complete moron.”

“Well, we’re both older and wiser now.”

“Mm, me especially, with the old bit.  But don’t worry.”  He pressed another warm kiss to her cheek.  “I’m going to make sure you get to be sodding ancient.  And I’m going to be there to see every fucking second of it.”

River blinked back tears as she smiled into his neck and hugged him tight.

“But if I find out Ramone’s sending the fucking tourists, I’m going to clock him.”

“I mean… could you even _reach_ him?”

“Oi!" he shouted indignantly as River laughed, "Just because I used to be younger doesn’t mean I can’t kick his robot arse!”

“Now, darling," she soothed, "the best revenge is living well, hm?”

He grunted begrudgingly. 

“So take me to bed, please, husband,” River purred into his ear.

“Oh,” the Doctor said, instantly grinning.  “As you wish, wife.”

 

 


End file.
